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Survive Her Affair

Survive, Heal And Thrive After Infidelity

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218/30 Freud (in "Fragment of an Analysis of a Case of Hysteria" [1905 (1901)], in S.E., Vol. 7, pp. 3-122) made the further distinction that some transference feelings are "mere reprints" while others have undergone sublimation and are therefore revised editions of the original feelings.

219/7 Freud, "The Future of an Illusion" [1927], in S.E., Vol. 11, p. 24.

219/9 Ernest Becker uses the phrase "taming terror." "This is how we can understand the essence of transference: as a taming of terror." My discussion on the nature of transference in everyday life closely follows Becker's. The Denial of Death, 145.

221/8 Freud, "Observations on Transference-Love (Further Recommendations in the Technique of Psycho-Analysis III)" [1915], in S.E., Vol. 12.

221/32 Ernest Jones, The Life and Work of Sigmund Freud, Vol. 1 (London: Hogarth Press, 1953), 225.

221 / 42 Ernest Jones revealed her identity in his biographical study of Freud, The Life and Work of Sigmund Freud, Vol. 1. George Pollock has written extensively on Anna O (Bertha Pappenheim). See "Gluckel von Hameln: Bertha Pappenheim's Idealized Ancestor," American Imago 20(1978); and "Anna O: Insight, Hindsight, and Foresight," in Anna O: Fourteen Contemporary Reinterpretations, edited by Max Rosenbaum and Melvin Muroff (New York: Free Press, 1984).

222/6 Thomas Szasz, "The Concept of Transference," International Journal of Psycho-Analysis 44(1963):432-43.

222/18 Freud, "Fragment of an Analysis of a Case of Hysteria," 116.

222/24 Roy Schafer, citing a personal communication from Charles Rycroft, "The Interpretation of Transference and the Conditions of Loving," Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association 25(1977):335-62, 340.

222/37 Szasz, "The Concept of Transference," 432-43.

222/41 Martin Bergmann has chronicled the changes in Freud's thinking about transference, transference love, and love in three very rich papers on love: "On the Intrapsychic Function of Falling in Love," Psychoanalytic Quarterly 49(1980):56-77; "Platonic Love, Transference Love, and Love in Real Life," Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association 30(1982):87-111; and "Psychoanalytic Observations in the

Capacity to Love," in Separation-Individuation: Essays in Honor of Margaret S. Mahler, edited by J. P. McDevitt and C. F. Settlage (New York: IUP, 1971). My abbreviated account of Freud's changes in conceptualizing transference love largely follows Bergmann's account.

223/19 Freud, "Observations on Transference-Love" [1915], in S.E., Vol. 12, p. 168.

223/30 Bergmann, "Platonic Love, Transference Love, and Love in Real Life."

225/4 Roy Schafer, "The Interpretation of Transference and the Conditions of Loving," 340.

225/8 Bergmann, "Platonic Love, Transference Love, and Love in Real Life," 106-7.

226/5 Aldo Carotenuto, A Secret Symmetry: Sabina Spielrein Between Jung and Freud, Commentary and Introduction by Bruno Bettelheim (New York: Pantheon Books, 1982).

226/14 Quoted in ibid., 154.

226/32 Quoted in ibid., 159.

227/23 Quoted by Bettelheim in ibid., xix.

227/39 Quoted by Bettelheim in ibid.

228/35 Ibid., xxxviii. The love affair turns out to be unusually well documented not only because of Spielrein's diary and the letters but because both Jung and Spielrein implicated Freud at different points in their relationship and for different reasons. From almost the very beginning of the Freud-Jung correspondence— as early as Jung's second letter to Freud, written in 1906— Jung is drawing Freud into the complicities of his involvement with Spielrein. In the letter, he makes mention of a difficult case and then describes Spielrein's case history. In other words, Jung's involvement with Spielrein was the issue he used to initiate a personal relationship with Freud. And I have already quoted the letter he wrote to Freud in the traumatic aftermath of this affair. In the meantime, Spielrein, too, wrote to Freud asking him for an interview, but Freud proved evasive. Nonetheless, Spielrein eventually moved to Vienna and became part of Freud's psychoanalytic circle.

The story of this amazing love affair and what evolved into an intellectual triangle has been unearthed so recently that it has not yet entered into the immense scholarship on the evolution of Freud's thinking. However it is of some interest that these events became known to Freud in those years when he would still have been working out his theories about the erotic transference. Bettelheim believes that Freud's discovery of Jung's relationship with Spielrein affected him very deeply. Freud was known to have fainted twice in his life— both times during meetings with Jung—and a number of people including Jung himself have tried to explain what the causes of those episodes might have been. Bettelheim raises a new possibility altogether by suggesting that the first faint was in the context of Freud's first meeting with Jung after he had learned about Spielrein.

229/6 J.G. Gaarlandt, An Interrupted Life: The Diaries of Etty Hillesum (New York: Pantheon Books, 1984).

230/7 For a fuller discussion see Ethel S. Person, "The Erotic Transference in Women and in Men: Differences and Consequences," Journal of The American Academy of Psychoanalysis 13(1985):159-80.

The erotic transference, heterosexual or homosexual, may be unmanageably intense, leading to a stalled treatment or a reactively hostile one. It may be complicated by sexual or romantic acting out either in or out of the analytic situation. Or it may be so frightening to some patients that they break off treatment. Sometimes the patient remains in treatment but the erotic transference proves difficult to analyze.

The dangers of successfully suppressing or repressing the experience of the erotic transference are less dramatic than the dangers attendant to the erotic transference used as resistance, but they are nonetheless substantial. The inability to merge sexual and dependency yearnings perpetuates instability in the capacity to form enduring love relationships. And this latter problem appears to be more common among men—in the therapy situation and in life— than among women.

230/26 Eva Lester, "The Female Analyst and the Eroticized Transference," International Journal of Psycho-Analysis 66(1985):283-93.

230/31 Grete Bibring reported one case sometimes cited as the single exception in the literature in which her male patient developed a florid transference to her, but it was so infused with primitive elements, that it cannot be properly considered an erotic transference. See Bi-bring, "A Contribution to the Subject of Transference," International Journal of Psycho-Analysis 17(1936):181-89.

230/34 Laila Karme, "The Analysis of a Male Patient by a Female Analyst: The Problem of the Negative Oedipal Transference," International Journal of Psycho-Analysis 60(1979):253-61.

231/7 However, there are some exceptions and one may occasionally see well-developed and sustained erotic transferences in male patients to their female doctors. One sometimes sees them among older men in relation to younger women. This constellation is most often seen in the training situation, very often in low-cost clinics. For a variety of reasons, including the youth and inexperience of the analyst, these have not been reported in the literature. They also appear to occur more frequently either in men with a strong bisexual identification or homosexual conflict, not in homosexual men. In these cases the erotic transference experienced towards the female analyst may serve as a defense against the more threatening homosexual longing, that is, the positive Oedipal constellation serves as a defense against the negative one. For a fuller discussion of the exceptions, see Person, "The Erotic Transference in Women and in Men: Differences and Consequences."

231/9 Some sexual fantasies betray pre-Oedipal components, sometimes aggressive in nature, as a defense against affectionate longings. See ibid.

231/13 See Ethel Person, "The Omni-Available Woman and Lesbian Sex: Two Fantasy Themes and Their Relationship to the Male Developmental Experience," in The Psychology of Men: New Psychoanalytic Perspectives, edited by Gerald I. Fogel, Frederick Lane, and Robert Liebert (New York: Basic Books, 1986), 71-94; and Ethel Person, "Male Sexuality and Power," Psychoanalytic Inquiry 6(1986):3-25.

231/39 My account is drawn from Paul Stern's biography, C.G. Jung: The Haunted Prophet (New York: George Braziller, 1976); and Vincent Brome's Jung: Man and Myth (New York: Atheneum, 1978).

231/42 Stern, C. G. Jung, 131. The relationship between Wolff and Jung underwent many changes. At one point, Wolff tried to insist that Jung divorce Emma and marry her, something he was averse to doing. In 1920, Jung began still another relationship with a woman, Ruth Bailey, that continued until the end of his life, but nonetheless occasionally spent weekends with Wolff. By 1946, Bailey wrote, "As I came more and more into the picture, Toni seemed to be fading. She was unlucky. She had very bad arthritis. It made her fingers fat. She was getting on for 60. There were times when Jung deliberately avoided her. He would say, "Toni is coming today. I hope she doesn't stay very long.' " (Brome, Jung, 257). Toni died in 1952. Jung did not go to her funeral.

232/12 E. James Lieberman, Acts of Will: The Life and Work of Otto Rank (New York: Free Press, 1985).

233/21 Lucia Tower, "Countertransference," Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association 4(1936):224-55.

233/27 Phyllis Greenacre, "The Role of Transference: Practical Considerations in Relation to Psychoanalytic Theory," Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association 2(1954):671-84.

234/2 S. H. Kardener, M. Fuller, and I. N. Mensch, "A Survey of Physician's Attitudes and Practices Regarding Erotic and Nonerotic Contact with Patients," American Journal of Psychiatry 130(1973):1077-81; Nanette Gartrell, J. Herman, S. Olarte, M. Feldstein, and R. Localio, "Psychiatrist-Patient Sexual Contact: Results of a National Survey, I: Prevalence," American Journal of Psychiatry, 143(1986):1126-31.

234/5 If a woman therapist does have either sexual or erotic fantasies, or both, about male patients, she is less likely to dwell upon or openly acknowledge them because of cultural prohibitions. Her own inhibitions about such fantasies subtly inhibit inquiries into the patients' defenses against his erotic feelings toward her. Her embarrassment at presuming to be found "sexual" and erotically desirable, in the face of the patients' disclaimers, also serves as an impediment to interpreting the resistance to the erotic transference.

234/24 The difference in the manifestation of the erotic transference that I have described ought not to be taken as an argument in favor of either same-sex or cross-sex patient-therapist dyads. Therapeutic outcome has, by and large, not been tied to the therapist gender, and there are always problems and opportunities specific to any given dyad.

235/22 Freud, "On Narcissism: An Introduction" [1914], in S.E., Vol. 14, pp. 67-102. Quotation on p. 94.

235/33 Now it may be that the helpless infant never truly felt omnipotent— perhaps had little sense of self at all. But the idea of perfect satiety and the power to command it surely enters the imagination at some point in the form of the fantasy of the perfect child who commands perfect attention; this may be part of the fantasy informing the power of the image of Madonna and child. Whether or not the infant actually feels omnipotent, the image of infantile omnipotence becomes one of our inner ideals.

237/9 Bergmann, "Platonic Love, Transference Love, and Love in Real Life," 107.

238/32 Elmore Leonard, Unknown Man, No. 89 (New York: Avon Books, 1984), 111.

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